recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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