The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
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while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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