I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
