She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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