What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This toilet bowl is my home.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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