he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
