Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
