why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
