Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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