i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
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He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
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she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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