Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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