Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
