i barfeds in our rink
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Randomize
