and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Your cock deserves a montage
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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