No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
