420 ftw
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She needs sedatives and a leash
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
