Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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