I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
