I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
