if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
