We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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