why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
