There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
