Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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