Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
