There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
