My room smells like vodka and shame
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
