i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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