I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
