Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
