Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
