i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well I just put wine in my tea
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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