i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
