hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize