My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
