whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Are we still banned from the library?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
