whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
