hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
