I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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