He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
