A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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