So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
