Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
