"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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