don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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