Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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