Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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