3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
