im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
