it wasn't lemon gatorade
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
