You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
