I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
