How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
