It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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