While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
