they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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