brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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