His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
