Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Two words: nipple clamps
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