Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
