you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
