During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i may or may not be watching the land before time
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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