Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
