I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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