Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
