Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
