After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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