I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
