the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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