My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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