Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
