I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
