so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
