I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
