I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
