My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
