he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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