this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
