um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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