I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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