im drinking this country out of the recession.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
