never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
