So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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